Ask Youth First

The only stupid question is the one you don’t ask.

E-mail your question about drugs, alcohol, smoking, addiction treatment, or whatever, and we’ll post an answer to this page within one week. Don’t worry, no one will know it was you who asked it.

You can also read through the questions below that others have asked and see the answers.

The opinions, advice, and information contained herein are not intended to provide professional advice or treatment, but are merely responses to the questions from unidentified persons without advantage of actual knowledge or specific facts, circumstances and history of each person; and therefore, all responses contained herein should serve only as a suggested guide or possible course of action based on the question. Responses provided herein cannot replace professional assessment a person may receive from a visit with a healthcare professional. Youth First, Inc. hereby disclaims any and all responsibility or liability, which may be asserted or claimed arising from or claim to have arisen from reliance upon opinions, advice or information disclosed herein.

You Asked, We Answered

• So my dad is a drug addict but told me he quit so I patched up my relationship with him. Recently he stole my step-mom's pain pills for chronic pancreatitis and my dying cancerous papaws pain pills. I hate him now. He's so strung out he says I'm not welcome at my papaws funeral and that he hates me. He went back to his crazy ex wife who is also strung out and I really just don't know what to do ? :(
  Take care of yourself. You can control you and your ability to cope with this problem. You can't control your father. This sounds like a very difficult situation, and you should to be careful about your reaction to your father's behaviors. I can understand your resentment and anger. Actions that include dishonesty and cause emotional pain for others in the family are not unusual among persons addicted to alcohol and/or other drugs. On the other hand, having an addiction doesn't justify what he is saying and doing. Depending on circumstances and his personality, he may feel quite guilty about his behavior later. It is always hard when you're angry at someone you would really like to have a good relationship with but they are not able or ready. Sometimes it helps to blame his addictive disease rather than the person. You submitted that your age is 14-18. If you are still in school, ask to speak to your school counselor or social worker. They will be able to discuss full details of your circumstances and give the best advice. I can only give general advice for your situation. If you are 18 or over, and out of the home, you may need to distance yourself from your father for a while and encourage him to get some help before your give him "another chance" with your relationship. Your step-mom and grandfather always have the option of turning him in to authorities for the thefts. Law enforcement might give him some motivation to get assistance for his addiction and make amends with the family. I don't think that you should be the one to turn him in. You're young and it wasn't your property. If you or your family need protection, they should ask for it. A judge might provide restraining orders to try to keep someone away from you and your homes. I suspect that someone in your family may be able to help you attend your pawpaw's funeral when that time comes. Again, start with asking for help for yourself - the school social worker, counselor, or a local mental health center should be able to help you. Speak to your school principal if you don't have anyone else who might be able to advise you about where to go.
• My son is 17 and I found out he is smoking pot and drinking something called, Lean or Syrup. I need to know what I can do I would like to get him into some kind of in-patient facility?
  I don't know for sure that you live in the Evansville area, but will assume you do. If so, there are no adolescent "in-patient" facilities in this area. Also, unless he is suicidal or homicidal, you may have some difficulty getting your insurance to cover an in-patient facility. If you live in the Evansville area and there is a Youth First school social worker in his school, this might be a good starting point for assessment. I would be happy to discuss options for intervention with you if you call the Youth First office and leave a phone number for me to contact you. Treatment interventions sometimes are best determined by details you didn't provide - his personal motivation, prior treatment efforts that failed, mental status, and more. Contact Youth First at 812-421-8336, ext. 0 to leave a message for Dr. Wooten.
• Hi there, I am a concerned citizen and parent for our youth and young adults in Posey County. We've had a lot of suicides, drug issues etc. I am attempting a community meeting in Aug. hoping to find way to get help for our area. I would like to know if there is anything else I can do? My goal is to educate suicide awareness and prevention. I'd like it if anyone who works with kids or is with kids a lot to be trained in awareness. I want to address this with the school board to get a program INSIDE the school that is available more than once a month. A place the feel comfortable going to when they have problems. Maybe even a Peer group. What do you think? How can I make this happen? It's hard to get people involved.

  Thank you so much for your concern. We agree there's a lot to be done about these issues. Youth First is involved in some suicide prevention strategies that go on throughout the school year.. It would be beneficial for you to talk with Davi Stein the Clinical Supervisor of Youth First Social Workers. You can reach her at the office 812-421-8336 ext 7.

• My son is living w/ my sister to go to college, but he's not doing good at school. He started drinking alcohol, having girlfriend, and staying out late. How to advise him to finish school?

  This can be a difficult situation and parental "advice" only carries limited weight this late in the game. I'm assuming that your son is over the age of 18. If so, you have limited legal control since he is a legal "adult". At this age he can reject any advice or encouragement you offer, but you probably have some control. Your options include strategies to stop any enabling behavior on your part, and your sister can help. These strategies relate to your financial support, housing and food. If he's spending your money on booze and school, you can reduce your financial support so he'll have less recreational money to spend. If your sister isn't setting reasonable rules for her housing hospitality, food, charging rent, etc., she could consider such. If the school has a counseling center, you might notify them of your concerns and ask for any support they can offer. If he's not applying himself in school, you may need to consider pulling him out and letting him support himself without a college education. If he wants to stay in school and continue misbehaving, let him get a job and make efforts to pay for part of all of his education.

  Behavioral changes sometimes come only after a person suffers reasonable consequences for the irresponsible behavior. You might try this approach: Avoid nagging. Tell him you love him. Then share your observations (share specific examples of problem behavior if possible) with him in a caring and nonjudgemental way. Let him know how it is making you feel and why. Share what behavioral changes you would like to see. Let him know your planned consequences if he doesn't make the necessary changes and the timeline for change to occur. If he doesn't change, be sure the consequences happen. If he needs help with his drinking issues, offer to assist with arrangements for counseling. Support positive changes with praise & love rather than money.

• My friend was cutting herself so I told my counselor and she told the school. The school then proceeded to tell her parents, and she had to go get the cuts checked out. CPS got called cause her parents are filthy, and now they are trying to take this girl away. She says it's all my fault although i didn't make her cut herself, right? I was just trying to help. I lost a friend. What do i do?

  Your parents should be proud of you. It sounds to me like you did right thing by telling your counselor. In my opinion, you, your counselor, and the school administrators took appropriate action. Apparently, medical authorities notified CPS because of potential concern for your friends safety. They are usually required by law to this. CPS will try to help. You didn't cause any of these problems. You simply reported to someone with hopes of helping.

  The lesson to be learned here is that "doing the right thing" doesn't always mean that everyone involved will be immediately happy with your actions. Don't let your friend's response keep you from doing the exactly the same thing again if you encounter similar circumstances in the future. Hopefully, when your friend is feeling better and the situation has settled down, she will realize your actions were taken because of your concern for her safety and your friendship rather than a desire to cause "trouble" for her or the family. In my opinion, she's very lucky to have a friend like you. You might have saved her life and helped her entire family. Feel good about what you did. You may need to give your friend some space & time. Take care of yourself.

• My mom found a lighter in my 6th grade sister's pocket and i'm scared she might be smoking. I definitely detest it, but I don't know what to do. If I find out should I tell my mom? I talk to Mrs. Vicki Kirkman but I haven't gotten a chance to talk to her about it yet.
  Thanks for your question. Here's my thoughts: If you have a good relationship with your sister I would encourage you to talk with her about it and let her know how you feel. I think your mom would really want to know so she could talk with your sister and encourage her to make healthy choices. I'm with you, I can't stand how tobacco takes perfectly healthy kids with great lungs and really sets up long term problems. It's really addictive but far easier to quit when you are young- even easier if you don't get started at all...so speak up! If you aren't sure be sure how to get the conversation going, talk with Mrs. Kirkman- she is a great resource for you. Good luck. Your sister is really lucky to have someone who cares about her health.
• We have a teenager who we believe has a drug addiction and has been stealing from family. We don't know what to do with him. Any help would be beneficial

  If you are living in the Evansville area, please check to see if there is a Youth First school social worker in your child's school. The Youth First social worker would be happy to hear from you and advise you about an appropriate intervention.

  If your school isn't served by Youth First, you can call the Youth First office (812-421-8336) to speak with or leave a message for Davi Stein, Clinical Supervisor of Youth First School Social Work Program. After hearing additional details of your circumstances, she would be able to offer additional advice regarding your options.

  If you don't live in this area, seek advice from a nearby addiction treatment center or mental health facility. If there is someone at the school who might help, you can speak with them without involving your son. After appropriate professional advice, take action. If your son is willing to seek help, the same resources may be helpful.

• Need help with my 16 almost 17 year old son, going down wrong path. I don't have the finances to pay a lot and am very worried.
  Since I have no idea where you live, where your son goes to school, or specifics of what you mean by "the wrong path", it is difficult to offer detailed advice. However, if you live in Southwest Indiana, please check to see if your son's school has a Youth First school social worker or other counseling services available. Youth First services are provided free of charge to students and families in schools we serve. A social worker can evaluate your son's situation, hear your concerns and prepare an action plan. If additional services are needed, a referral can be arranged. Some counseling services charge based on ability to pay. If you wish to send additional information, feel free to do so. Thanks for the inquiry.
• My friend doesn't go to a school in EVSC. She goes to a school in Newburgh. I myself am in college now, so I won't be able to inform someone at her school. Should I call Deaconess Cross Pointe and speak with someone there about this? They helped me in the past dealing with a similar situation.
  Calling Deaconess is an option. You can also call the school and request to speak with the Youth First social worker. Youth First has a social worker at Castle High School (Kathy Baker) and Castle North and South Middle School (Sherry Fisher). If it's another school they can forward your information. Another option is to contact Davi Stein at the Youth First office. Davi is the Clinical Supervisor of the Youth First Social Work Program. Her number is 812 421 8336, ext 7. Leave a message if needed. Any of these persons should be able to assist you. I will make these Youth First staff aware of our website correspondence. You will need provide your friend's name, parent name, and other details as you know them. Thank you for your additional communication.
• I have a friend I go to church with who is claiming that she is getting emotional abuse and just the other day got hit by her dad. I don't know if its true, but she has showed me a cut on her arm that me showed me tonight at church. Then she told me only tonight that she did the cut to herself. What should I do?

  First of all, I want to say how nice it is for you to be concerned enough to write this question. You are obviously a good friend. Your friend must trust your judgment or she wouldn't have shared these problem with you.

  If your friend will accept help from a school counselor or school social worker, she should see them immediately. If there is no such person at your school, she could speak with the Principal or your minister. It would be helpful if you went with your friend, to share your concerns and what she has told you, the first time. If she won't go for help with you, let her know you must talk with someone who can help. You are not in a position to assist her in other ways. Don't allow her to discourage you from getting assistance from a trusted adult who has the knowledge &/or influence to help.

  If her cutting behavior indicates suicidal thoughts, you are dealing with a very serious situation. If she's not suicidal, she still needs immediate attention. Do not delay acting on this advice.

• How does Youth First afford the services it offers? Where does the money come from?
  Funding for Youth First comes from a variety of sources including fundraising events, individual donations, corporate donations, private foundations, State and Federal grants. If you would be interested in making a donation, please visit our donor page. Thanks for your inquiry.
• Where can I get counseling without money?
  I'm assuming you live in the Evansville area. If not, please share additional information through "Ask Youth First". There is no charge for evaluation and short term help from a school counselor or Youth First social worker. If your school has a Youth First social worker, you can see them once and then parental permission will be required for additional visits. This does not mean that your privacy is compromised, but only that your parents need to consent for the visits if you are under the age of 18. If you need longer term assistance you may be referred to a community resource such as Southwest Indiana Behavioral Health. They bill according to income levels. No insurance is required. Other treatment providers in the community may be able to provide similar assistance. The social worker or school counselor can provide you with this information.
• There seems to be a misconception out there about psychiatric medication and other drugs. How do you address that? How should I address that?

  Your question is somewhat vague, but I think you might be referring to misconceptions regarding some of the potential adverse effects experienced by those taking prescription medications for mental illnesses.

  In this country there is a very long process of evaluation for medications that are ultimately made available to the public by a physician's prescription. The risk of adverse effects are carefully weighed against the potential benefit to those who need medical help because of mental illness. Every medicine, even aspirin and other over-the-counter drugs, has the potential for adverse effects. Most drug side effects are minor while others can be life threatening. Mental illnesses can also be relatively mild or, in other instances, life threatening.

  After this approval process and prescribing, reports of possible adverse effects are reported by the medical community and tracked by agencies overseeing drug safety. It's not a perfect system, but it's better than in many other countries. Many products are not approved and, therefore, never released because of safety concerns. If concerns are found after release, they are sometimes withdrawn from the marketplace. The severity of some illnesses may warrant taking medications that carry more risk of adverse effects. After research by pharmaceutical companies to evaluate a product, application for approval, and subsequent approval by federal agencies, the decision to use them is between a doctor and the patient. Thanks for asking Youth First.

• I am the mother of a 14year old boy who is currently in detention because of his behavior and anger issues. He is currently scheduled to be transferred to Youth Opportunity Center in Muncie IN later this month. I have spoken to his probation officer and she has no ideas for aftercare programs when he comes home(I don't know when that will be yet), or for any programs that will help me help my son transition from detention to home. He has been in placement for 9months. I am extremely worried that without the correct aftercare and programs put in place that my son will end up using again and end up back in detention. All of your programs seem very helpful. If there is any way that you could give me any more info about when they start, registration guidelines, etc. it would be wonderful. I live in Evansville, and my son will be coming home to Evansville. Please, any help at all would be appreciated. I am doing the research for programs alone. Thank You.

  You will need to view this as a long-term effort on his part. There are no quick fixes for the problems you describe. If he has a substance abuse problem, you should see if he can get into a proper treatment program. If you have the resources, he may benefit from a long-term residential program such as Aspen Ranch (Google it) in Utah. There are limited, out-patient treatment services for substance abusing teens are available in Evansville.

  If your son has a serious conduct disorder, he may need far more help than any of the Youth First programs provide. The key to success for him will be a intense personal desire for positive change. If he doesn't want to change his behavior/attitude/lifestyle and accept the advice/guidance of those who want to help, it is unlikely that he will be successful. Intensive supervision by his probation officer, random drug screens, an individual therapist, school social worker support, along with clear limits & immediate consequences for misbehavior in home, school, or community will be helpful. A program could help if he's receptive to assistance.

  If there is a Youth First school social worker at his school, she would need to meet your son for a thorough evaluation and determination of which programs might be of help. If he is not a "fit" for a program, he still might be appropriate for social worker support when he returns to the school setting. Youth First social workers and our programs are not available at every Evansville school. You may want to contact the Youth First office (Davi Stein, 812 421 8336) to find out what is available at your son's school.

• I am a parent of a 14 year old boy. I have tried to raise my son to be respectful and follow rules. I recently caught him using tobacco and alcohol. I have tried to talk to him about this and have taken away cell phone, computer, tv, video games. He is doing very poorly in school and has a general attitude that the classes he is doing poorly in are not important so it does not matter. I have exhausted all means of talking and explaining and still feel that he does not realize the seriousness of his actions. What services do you offer that might be of assistance and what are the costs of these services.

  Your concerns are certainly justified. When alcohol and tobacco use start early in life there is greater risk of serious, life-long problems. The consequences you have provided are also very reasonable. If the behavior continues, your son may be "offered" additional consequences (school discipline, legal, accidents, relationship problems, health issues, etc.) that have more impact. These consequences may get his attention and provide you with opportunities to have additional conversations. In the meantime, your son may benefit from some assistance from Youth First or another agency.

  Youth First offers a variety of prevention/intervention strategies. The web site shares information on some of them. They are based on the age, school, level of involvement and other risk factors. There is no charge for any of our services. We depend totally on donations and grants to sustain services for children and families. If you will contact Josh at Youth First (812 421 8336, ext. 0) and leave a message for Dr. Wooten (your name, phone number), I would be happy to call you & share what resources we have at your son's school and help him connect to those services or make other other suggestions.

• These last few weeks have been really bad for me. Passing out at school, worrying about a friend who ended up in the hospital. Worrying about myself health wise and school wise. It is getting to much to where I can't handle it. I have came up with good plans that I plan on doing soon. and Have had some suicidal thoughts go through my head. I feel so close to giving up on everything. What can I do to talk to someone? I used to talk to the social worker at school, but haven't in a while, because she has been busy which I understand. I just need some way to let some thoughts out of my bottled up head of mine.

  It sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed with life and aren’t sure where to turn. I suggest you see someone who will provide you with support right away. Please contact your school social worker today. Be open and honest with her about your feelings and circumstances. Even if she is busy, I’m sure she will want to know that this is a hard time for you. She will evaluate and suggest additional steps to improve your feelings. You could also try talking to other caring adults in your life like your parents, your pastor, a physician, minister, or a coach.

  Depression sometimes tricks us into believing that others don’t care even when they do. If you would send "Ask Youth First" additional information (your hometown, school name, social worker name, and even your name), I may be able to offer other suggestions. I won’t post any specific, identifying information about you on the website. There is also a crisis line, 812-425-4355, that provides 24-hour service if you just need someone to talk to after regular office hours. Never "give up".

  Reaching out is a good first step, but please don't stop with this email to "Ask Youth First". Take additional steps that will help you feel better about yourself and your life.

• My mum doesn't want me any more, but i have no where to go. What should i do ?
  I can only make general suggestions regarding a situation such as yours. You provided very few details. I'll assume you live in the USA and are less than 18 years of age. If so, I don't think it would be legal for your parent to abandon you or kick you out of the home. I suggest you speak with your school counselor. or school social worker. The counselor or social worker would be able to evaluate your situation in more detail and create a plan for you. If you are not in school, or don't have a counselor or social worker available, you could speak with a trusted adult, school nurse, your physician, Children's Protective Services or the Department of Family & Children in your hometown. Hopefully, you can find someone to help you and your mother improve your relationship. Start working on this today.
• Is having sex with my girlfriend after two weeks of going out a bad idea?

  The short answer is "yes". Early sexual relationships, heterosexual or homosexual, outside of marriage, or in a relationship that is of short duration carries significant risks - both physical and emotional. The following pages are from the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services Website: http://www.4parents.gov/sexrisky/emotional/emotional.html "People often believe that the only risks from teens having sex are pregnancy or getting an STD. Not true. Teens who have sex are at risk for emotional problems too. It has been clear for quite some time that teen sex and emotional problems such as depression are related. What has not been clear is if teen sex causes depression, or depression causes teens to have sex.

  Recent research suggests that both may be true. Teens, especially girls, who have sexual intercourse may be at greater risk for depression. And depression in teens is now known to lead to risky sexual behaviors. A 2005 study recommended that teen girls who have sex be screened for depression. This journal article found that teen girls who had sex, took drugs, and/or started drinking were up to three times more likely to be depressed a year later than girls who did not take those risks. For boys, the researchers found things to be a bit different. Boys who do a number of unhealthy things, like smoking cigarettes every day, smoking marijuana, and drinking alcohol, were more likely to be depressed. Another study, which also used data from that same large survey of teens, tried to learn whether depression predicts risky sexual behavior. The researchers found that boys and girls who have symptoms of depression are more likely to get involved in very risky sexual behaviors, such as not using a condom, having sex with a number of partners, and using alcohol or other drugs when they had sex.

  One thing is also very clear: most teens who have sex wish they had waited. In fact, whether you ask boys or girls, older teens or younger teens, a large majority say they wish they had waited. According to a survey conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, 2 out of 3 (66%) sexually experienced teens wish they had waited longer before first having sexual intercourse. And nearly 2 out of 3 (63%) of those teen boys and more than 2 out of 3 (69%) of those teen girls wish they had waited. And of those teens 12- to 14-years-old, 7 out of 10 (71%) wish they had waited. Of those teens 15-19, 6 out of 10 (63%) said they wish they had waited."

• Name of Director of Personnel or to whom to address Employment Inquires?
  Contact Parri Black, President & CEO, at the address &/or phone numbers listed on the website.
• My friend told me about a program her teenage son took part in recently that involved him going to the courts and observing real cases where other children around their age have gotten into trouble. They were punished or had to learn there were consequences to their crime (drugs, shoplifting, vandalism). I wanted to sign my children up for this program. Let me know. Thank you
  Youth First doesn't offer a program of this type. You may be referring to a "Teen Court" program provided through Youth Resources (a different organization). I believe that program involves teens judging and deciding on legal consequences for young people that are involved in some types of criminal activity. I'm not sure they are dealing with drug related cases.